Sharing your Funeral Wishes – Is your Funeral for you or the ones you leave behind?

Recently I was contacted by a family member of a client who has sadly passed and the client has left...

Recently I was contacted by a family member of a client who has sadly passed and the client has left
no specific wishes at all about their funeral and so the Executor was in sole charge about what to do
and it made them feel really uncomfortable.

Death is unfortunately an inevitable part of life, and while it may be uncomfortable to think and
even talk about, it is essential to plan for our passing to make it as pain free for our loved ones. By
outlining our funeral wishes, we can ensure that our loved ones have a clear understanding of our
desires and can carry out our final celebration of life in a way that truly reflects who we were. Here I
want to share my own funeral wishes, not as a morbid exercise, but as an act of love and
consideration for those who will be left behind.

1. Embracing Individuality: First and foremost, I believe that a funeral should be a unique
   representation of the person who has passed away. Each of us has led a bespoke life, filled
   with differing passions, relationships, and achievements. Therefore, I would like my funeral to
   reflect my individuality, embracing the aspects of my life that have brought me joy and
   fulfilment. For example, I have never enjoyed any type of flower and so would hate to have
   any flowers at my funeral.
2. Funeral Ceremony: Rather than a sad occasion, I want my funeral to be a celebration of my
   life – a gathering where my family and friends can share stories, memories, and laughter. I
   would prefer a relaxed and informal atmosphere, where people can feel comfortable
   expressing their emotions and celebrating the time we had together. I’ve never enjoyed
   wearing suits and ties and up until adulthood I grew up in football kits, a trait I have passed
   onto my two boys aged 6 and 9. With this in mind I would love people to wear their
   favourite football shirt to show togetherness.
3. Location and Setting: While traditional funeral services serve their purpose, I would prefer a
   location that holds significance in my life. Perhaps it could be held outdoors, in a park where
   I spent lots of time either running or playing football, or in a community place that was
   linked with me and my family. The venue should be accessible to all and provide a welcoming
   space for people to come together.
4. Speakers: I would like my funeral to be delivered by someone who knew me well and can
   share personal stories, and reflections about my life. Friends and family members who feel
   comfortable speaking in public would also be invited to share their memories and celebrate
   the impact I had on their lives.
5. Music and Readings: Music has always been in my life, enjoying a bit of singing when I was
   younger to having a professional singer as a brother so I would love for it to be an integral
   part of my funeral. Whether it’s songs that have personal meaning to me or live
   performances from musicians I admired, I want the music to evoke emotions, create a sense
   of connection, and uplift those in attendance. There are lots of good songs that I would like
   played but the main one which is non negotiable for me is Oasis – Live Forever. Personally I
   would prefer not to have any readings and instead have people tell their individual stories if
   they wish.
6. Personal Touches: I believe it’s important to include personal touches into the funeral
   ceremony. This could include displaying photographs, creating a memory board where
   people can leave messages.
7. Burial or Cremation: In terms of disposition, I would prefer cremation. I believe that ashes
   can be a beautiful reminder of the life lived. However, I would like my wife and children to
   decide what to do with the ashes – whether it’s scattering them in a meaningful location,
   keeping them in an urn, or any other appropriate option. It’s important to me that they have
   the freedom to choose what feels right for them.
8. Open Conversation: Lastly, I want to emphasise the importance of open and honest
   communication with my loved ones regarding my funeral wishes. I have shared these
   thoughts with my family and friends, and I encourage them to have open discussions and ask
   questions if they need any further clarity or guidance. Regularly revisiting these
   conversations can help ensure that my wishes are up-to-date and align with the evolving
   needs and circumstances of my loved ones.

Sharing our funeral wishes is an act of love and consideration for our loved ones, alleviating them
from the burden of making difficult decisions during a time of grief. By openly having these discussions they know what we would like to happen and when that time comes, they enact our wishes without fear of making a mistake.

If you’d like to ensure that your wishes are carried out, speak to me or any of the team at Soteria and we’ll be happy to help.

Stay safe. Regards. Jamie.